What do I need to know about relationships?
The Pain of Relationship Hurt: Moving Forward
Has your partner caused you pain, intentionally or unintentionally? Many couples struggle with lingering feelings of anger or distance after a hurtful experience.
Understanding the Source:
- Sometimes partners hurt each other unconsciously, driven by past experiences and unmet needs. We might seek love, safety, or something else we lacked in the past, hoping our partner can fulfil that longing.
- Even conscious efforts to avoid pain can cause hurt.
The Importance of Mindfulness:
- Self-awareness: Understanding your own expectations and emotional triggers is crucial for navigating relationship challenges.
- Mindfulness: Paying attention to the present moment without judgment can help you communicate effectively and build trust.
If you’re struggling to forgive or move forward after being hurt by your partner, consider seeking professional guidance. A therapist can help you explore the root causes of the pain, develop healthy communication skills, and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Dynamics of relationships:
- Why ‘love’ is a useless word – three alternatives
- Why we pick difficult partners – short video
- What is transference and why it matters – short video
- Why we go cold on our partners – short video
- Transference – short video
- The challenge of being close – short video
- How your attachment style impacts your relationship – short video
Forgiveness exercise
Imagination and reality:
What can help?
- Humour in Relationships – short video
- Why our partners drive us mad – short video
- About affectionate teasing – short video
- On empathy – short video
- On blame – short video
- On compassion – recording
Good books to read:
- I highly recommend this book ‘Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for A Lifetime of Love and The Love Secret: The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships’ by Dr. Sue Johnson, the originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples.
- ‘Getting The Love You Want. A Guide for Couples’ by Harville Hendrix, the originator of Imago Relationship Therapy.
- That’s not what I meant!: how conversational style makes or breaks relationships, Tannen, Deborah, 2011
- Loving yourself loving another: the importance of self-esteem for successful relationship, Cole, Julia; Relate (Organization), 2001
- Relating skills: a practical guide to effective personal relationship, Nelson-Jones, Richard; Nelson-Jones, Richard, 1996
- The right to speak: working with the voice, Rodenburg, Patsy, 1992
- Codependent no more: how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself, Beattie, Melody, 1992
- Moving on: breaking up without breaking down, Hayman, Suzie, 2001
- The Relate guide to better relationships: practical ways to make your love last from the experts in marriage guidance, Litvinoff, Sarah; Relate
What do I need to know about sexuality?
Unlocking Passion and Connection: Sexuality in Relationships
Sexuality in a healthy relationship thrives on a balance between two key elements: playfulness and responsibility.
Playfulness:
- Reconnecting with Your Inner Child: When we feel safe and connected with our partner, a playful and engaged side emerges. This allows us to explore sexual fantasies, a cornerstone of sexual desire.
- The Imprint of Early Relationships: Our sexual fantasies are often shaped by our childhood experiences, particularly the quality of attachment we formed with caregivers. Secure attachments in early life are linked to a more positive and fulfilling sexual experience later on.
- Facing Unfamiliar Fantasies: Some may find their sexual fantasies surprising or even concerning, especially if they have an insecure attachment style or past trauma.
Responsibility:
- Self-Care and Respect: Taking responsibility for our own sexual health and well-being is crucial. This includes respecting your body’s needs and boundaries.
- The Impact on Relationships: Neglecting emotional connection while seeking only physical gratification can damage relationships and emotional well-being.
Finding the Balance:
Exploring your sexuality within a safe and supportive relationship allows you to navigate both playfulness and responsibility. If you have questions or concerns about your sexual health or relationship dynamics, consider seeking professional guidance. A therapist can help you understand the roots of your desires and create a more fulfilling and balanced sexual experience.
Sex starved relationships – short video
Sexual Rejection – short video
The Secret to Desire in a Long Term Relationship
Other useful links:
- IVF alternative for couples with subfertility  Life Fertility Care
- Women’s Health
- Relationship between nutrition and female health
- Advice on nutrition and diet
- Women’s Health & Fertility
Emotional Regulation 🌿Breath with Joy 